I’m not in the mood this morning. My hair is a hot mess, I’m out of good shampoo, my house is still a mess, and I need to write the thank you/Merry Christmas notes for all the teachers. And haul my kids out of bed, get them dressed, fed, lunch packed, and then out the door. In time to rush to work, and try desperately to catch up.
In a time-honored tradition, I will, instead of complaining about the Best Plus stuff I don’t want to do, and the lunches I’m sick of packing, I will make a brief list of why I have no real business bitching about the little stuff. I’ve got way too many wonderful things to be profoundly grateful for, and that’s what I should be focusing on…
1. This holiday season has been probably the least angst-ridden that I’ve had in thirteen years. Even if it’s just because I don’t have time for it (between working and Sam’s health issues, I’ve been trying to just keep my head above water). Maybe it’s that I’ve finally learned to just chill – the holidays are what they are. We celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah, and it’s never going to be an easy mix. But it’s not impossible either – and the alternative isn’t anything I want to think about.
2. My Sammy is feeling so much better. The new medication has made such a huge difference for him – it’s simply a non-issue now. He doesn’t complain, he doesn’t go to the nurse, he’s not in pain. Everything we went thru, the tears, the fights with the school, the fights at home to get him to go to school, the phone calls with the nurse, the tears, oh, the tears – he’s better now. I’m so grateful for my healthy, happy, thriving boy.
3. My job is still a dream come true for me. Yes, it’s busy and hectic and I’m a little bit underwater right now, but I know that I can get it all done. And working in the library, with dream hours – this couldn’t be any better for me. Serendipity is when something fabulous drops in your lap and that’s what this was – this job wasn’t anything I was even looking for before I found it, and it’s still perfect for me.
4. My Julianna Ruth is so big and still so little at the same time. I know, I know, she’s five and a kindergarten-going girl, but she’s still my baby and loves nothing more than curling up next to me and reading or writing. She’s a writer and a dreamer and an artist in the most adorable of ways, and she’s thriving in school. She’s like a little sponge, just soaking up all the new words and new letters and new ideas, and watching this process is so beautiful. Probably a little more than it was with the other kids, because she’s SO into it – she LOVES writing.
5. Marc and I both have cars that work, jobs we love, we’re both healthy and financially, we’re stable in a way that just wasn’t possible when I was a SAHM. It’s still busy and crazy and chaotic and hectic all the time – but it’s also easier in ways that it wasn’t before. I can afford to splurge on a book for Julie when we’re grocery shopping or to stop and get the kids a frozen yogurt when it’s been a hard day.
6. My husband is scary smart – and I don’t think he’s ever had a job where that wasn’t a hindrance. Until this one – and that’s beautiful to watch. He loves it – and I love that he’s happy and fulfilled and focused and achieving his goals. This is a really lovely time for us, and I don’t always pay attention to that.
7. My Jessica Mary is so exquisite – a twelve year old girl is right on the cusp of womanhood, and it’s beautiful. She’s bright and stunningly gorgeous, but more importantly, she’s got a flexible, curious and open mind, and is eager to learn everything she can. About everything. All the drama and emotional intensity is there, but tempered by a little more self control, a little more poise. Adolescence is so much more fun, somehow, than I thought it would be.