I’m quitting my job tomorrow.
I remember liking it a long time ago. Before the accident, when I dropped the three kids off at school and picked them up when they got out. But ever since January of 2015, it’s been harder and harder.
We’re at a point where I can afford not to work. Not that we’re suddenly made of money, but it was getting harder and harder to go each day. Working on Saturdays was hellish, just because I wanted to be at home. Working on Wednesdays was even worse. On the days when my mom could come out, but when she couldn’t… I’d just spend the four hours feeling guilty and worrying the whole time.
Quitting feels like a move back to the normal order of things. I want to focus on Sam and his education, and be able to available for the girls. I want to write more, to be present and focused on what’s happening here.
Jessie’s been sick for weeks. This has been a really hard year on her so far, which is odd because I think she’s emotionally happier in high school than she’s every been in middle school or elementary school. But she had the concussion in September, and then hurt her knees in October. She started feeling sick with this virus about two weeks ago, and then was diagnosed with Osgood Schlatter’s Disease last week. It’s nothing permanent, and God knows, we’ve been thru worse with injuries and accidents with Sam – but it’s still hard to see her miserable and stuffy, sneezing and in pain. We’re going back to the doctor’s this afternoon.
Sam is doing better, overall. Education-wise, I’m really happy with how well he’s doing, in terms of math, science and history. His reading comprehension is incredibly high, but there’s a lot more I want to be doing with him. Quitting will allow that to happen.
My Julianna is growing up so fast. She’s going to be eight next year, and I still think of her as my baby. She’s still struggling with being a big kid and not the baby. She bounces between sobbing hysterically when I pick out the wrong shirt and reading chapter books, and walking the dog like a boss. I want to freeze time with her, more so than the others, at this point. I’ve been here before and she’s going to be 14 before I know it. No matter how much I try to pay attention and slow it down, I know I’ll look back and feel like I missed so much.
So I’ll finish up my very short tenure as an Office Manager and/or Senior Administrative Assistant. I liked working, but I like being home with my kiddos more.
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