Confessions

– Two days ago, I actually went to the Honey Farms up the street in my pajamas. The worst part of it was that I didn’t even realize it until after I’d walked back home.

– I worry sometimes that Jess has this incredibly stressful, complicated life, filled with pitfalls and potential disasters – because she spends so much of her time trying to convince me of the fact. I think most of the time that she’s having a happy, healthy childhood but if I’m wrong and she’s right… man, it’s wicked hard to be her.

– I fantasize about cutting off all my hair, because I’ve been wearing it in a messy bun for the past two months and really, is it worth it to have long hair when it’s just constantly bundled up on top of my head? The only reason I don’t do it is because it would be too embarrassing to explain to the hairdresser that I need a cut that’s not just low maintenance, but actually requires no more maintenance that to be washed and brushed out semi-occasionally.

– I used to start my day with a hot shower. Every. Single. Day. Could NOT imagine going without a shower daily. Sadly, am now at the point where I routinely go two days without a shower. Sometimes, even (gasp with horror inserted here) three. I don’t like leaving Julie without an adult to watch her, she screams the entire time I’m in the shower, and Marc’s just not home all that often.

– Every afternoon, right around this time, I get really bitchy and unhappy. Sometimes, most of the time, I connect it to the fact that I need my afternoon cup of coffee, but it’s not unusual for me to get really grumpy for a period of time before I remember.

– Sam spends a lot of his time naked. And on my list of priorities, making sure he’s got underwear on is way lower than a lot of things. Plus he’s developed the habit of taking the underwear off entirely every time he pees, so even if I wrestle a pair on him in the morning, it’s off by lunchtime. Which leads me to my next confession…

– I have rules that sound foolish but are totally dead on necessary in this house. For example, no going outside unless you’re wearing underwear. You can’t put cheerios in your underwear for storage. No, your genitalia does not require fresh air.

– I’ve been trying to read the fourth Harry Potter book to my poor girl child for three months now, and we’re still only about three quarters of the way thru it. Every time I see the book on the floor, I feel guilty. Why can’t I carve out a half hour every night to read to her? I don’t seem to be able to pull it off more than once or twice a week, and that’s awful.

– I’m not keeping track of anything with Julie. I exist simply on a “needs being met” sort of schedule. I feed her when she seems hungry on whichever breast hurts less at that particular time. I change her after every nap. I have no clue when she naps, she’s not on any sort of predictable routine. My mother in law asked the other day what her normal nap time was – and I drew an absolute blank. Sometimes, mostly, she’ll take a good morning nap, but not today. The whole rest of the day, she just nurses, naps, chills, nurses, naps, chills, over and over again. And any one of those things can last anywhere between five and fifty minutes.