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Writings on Motherhood, Judaism, and Happily-Ever-Afters

December 2017Monthly Archives

Christmas 2017

I made it.  It was my second one, post accident, and my second one after declaring that I would not fight with anyone about putting up the tree.  Happy to say that I managed, a few reposts of articles notwithstanding.  But I kept repeating that I wouldn’t argue with anyone – you do you, I’ll do me, and really, the reality is that I’ve been doing this for almost sixteen years, and my kids self-identify as Jews who celebrate Christmas, and I’m okay with that.

Most of the season was taken up in winding down at Literacy Volunteers, and dealing with Jessie’s sickness.  She’s been diagnosed with Osgood Schlatter disease, or as Julie calls it – the ocean water disease.  Basically, it means her knees hurt, nearly all the time, and always when she’s doing any sort of physical activity.  She’s also been fighting off a virus that’s taking FOREVER to go away.   She’s exhausted and grumpy and in pain, and it’s hard to watch.  Hard for her to be going thru this, and hard for everyone around her, because Jessie’s not a girl to suffer silently.

Julie is still doing great in school.  But… I don’t like it.  I just don’t like it that much.  Now that I’m homeschooling Sam, I look at education differently.  Is she being challenged, is she learning enough, could she do more?  She’s doing so well socially, and after Jessie, that’s wonderful to see.  Jessie really struggled in elementary school, so I’m extra grateful for Julie’s adaptability.  But we’re wondering about the Jewish day school in Framingham, and will be checking that out next month.  Not sure if we can even consider it, financially, but it’s worth checking out to see what kind of aid is available.

She wants to sign up for basketball.  Actually, she wanted to sign up for dance class, but the class she should be in conflicts with religious school, so… basketball it is.  I want her more active, and I think she’ll be good at it.

Sam’s doing well too.  He actually went to a Cohen family Hanukkah party.  Walked in, and actually talked to people.  Not a lot of people, and he was asking to go home twenty minutes after we got there – but he went and participated.  He spent most of our Hanukkah party and Christmas party in his room, but he came out for dinner.  He’s getting better.

I’m not ready for spring yet, and winter is barely started.  I’m happy here, in this place.  Marc’s job is going really well, and he’s happier than I’ve seen him in years.  I’m looking forward to settling into homeschooling in January, being able to really focus on what he’s learning and how to he’s learning and putting more time and energy into it.

There was a place in my life, before the accident, when things seemed so… peaceful.  Like there were little dramas that came up, but they were minor.  The kids were all healthy, Marc and I were healthy and happy.  It was… lovely.  I was so happy when the kids were little.  Busy and harried and broke most of the time, but everything was so… easy.  Then January of 2015 hit, and my whole world was thrown up and shaken around and it took literally years to get back to this place.  Where the dramas are small, and the kids are whole and healthy – and we’re just living our lives.  I didn’t take it for granted before, but now… I’m that much more aware and grateful for this time and space.  Where the kids are growing and thriving and Marc’s well and happy and I’m fulfilled and focused.

I’m ready for 2018.

 

Another page turning

I’m quitting my job tomorrow.

I remember liking it a long time ago.  Before the accident, when I dropped the three kids off at school and picked them up when they got out.  But ever since January of 2015, it’s been harder and harder.

We’re at a point where I can afford not to work.  Not that we’re suddenly made of money, but it was getting harder and harder to go each day.  Working on Saturdays was hellish, just because I wanted to be at home.  Working on Wednesdays was even worse.  On the days when my mom could come out, but when she couldn’t… I’d just spend the four hours feeling guilty and worrying the whole time.

Quitting feels like a move back to the normal order of things.  I want to focus on Sam and his education, and be able to available for the girls.  I want to write more, to be present and focused on what’s happening here.

Jessie’s been sick for weeks.  This has been a really hard year on her so far, which is odd because I think she’s emotionally happier in high school than she’s every been in middle school or elementary school.  But she had the concussion in September, and then hurt her knees in October.  She started feeling sick with this virus about two weeks ago, and then was diagnosed with Osgood Schlatter’s Disease last week.   It’s nothing permanent, and God knows, we’ve been thru worse with injuries and accidents with Sam – but it’s still hard to see her miserable and stuffy, sneezing and in pain.  We’re going back to the doctor’s this afternoon.

Sam is doing better, overall.  Education-wise, I’m really happy with how well he’s doing, in terms of math, science and history.  His reading comprehension is incredibly high, but there’s a lot more I want to be doing with him.  Quitting will allow that to happen.

My Julianna is growing up so fast.  She’s going to be eight next year, and I still think of her as my baby.  She’s still struggling with being a big kid and not the baby.  She bounces between sobbing hysterically when I pick out the wrong shirt and reading chapter books, and walking the dog like a boss.  I want to freeze time with her, more so than the others, at this point.  I’ve been here before and she’s going to be 14 before I know it.  No matter how much I try to pay attention and slow it down, I know I’ll look back and feel like I missed so much.

So I’ll finish up my very short tenure as an Office Manager and/or Senior Administrative Assistant.  I liked working, but I like being home with my kiddos more.