So much happening these days….

Jessie has been tentatively diagnosed with something called POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome¬†). She’s started getting headaches every day, some really bad, some not so bad, but accompanied with dizziness and lightheadedness. She’s only passed out once, but once is enough, really. At least, as far as I’m concerned. She’s managing it well, because it’s summer, and if her head hurts, she can just go into a dark room and shut the door, but that’s not a good long term solution once school starts. So we’re heading into to see a cardiologist and there the possibility of an MRI. I’m not panicking about it – but low grade concerned.

She’s working along with her permit – she’s still got to cram in more actual driving lessons with the driving school, but she’s been driving more and more when I’m out and about. She’s still doing her internship, but most of that is done at home with her only going into the office a few times a week. She has Model UN camp next week in Boston – so that’ll be a whole lot of me hauling ass in and out of Cambridge every day.

We had Sam’s glasses evaluation today – and it went SO much better than I anticipated it would. He actually is getting bifocals. He had worn glasses before the accident, but it never seemed as though glasses would help after the damage to the optic nerve. We tested him each time, and he was adamant each time that he saw no difference. For some reason, this time, he did. I don’t know if it was just maturity, or if his vision is improving, or what it was, but I was so thrilled.

The glasses won’t fix everything. They don’t fix the damage done to his optic nerve, and they won’t fix the pockets of blindness in his left eye. His right eye is still functionally useless on it’s own, but when he uses both eyes, his vision can get down to 20/50 in optimum conditions. That’s stunningly good – good enough to potentially get his license one day. It’s not good enough to make reading easy or effortless, he still struggles with being able to read a continuous line of text. I still worry about how he’ll function in a classroom, and what September will bring. But glasses will be a huge improvement for my boy.

My baby Julie is in the throes of adolescence. She’s emotional and sassy and weepy and silly and angry and delighted, often one after another in rapid succession. She’s SO tall – easily fitting into all of her older sister’s clothes (much to Jessie’s frustration), but still seems so young at times. She still needs me to tuck her in every night (last night, she stayed up until after 10 when I got back from the vet ER with Lizzie), and she still wants me to do her hair. Thank God. I’m in no rush for this one to grow up, she could stay my baby for a lot longer and I’d be happy.

Fourth grade is coming, though, and I know that we’re on the precipice of a whole new stage in her life. Decisions will have to be made about what school she’ll be attending for middle school, she’ll have to get a phone and please God she’ll pause in growing so fast. I’m literally at the point where school starts in five weeks, and I refuse to buy her school clothes until the week before, because I know she’ll outgrow it by the time September rolls around.

I still feel like it hasn’t really started yet. We had Glennys down for the first week, and then… I’m drawing a total blank on what we did the following week. Marc is off all this week, and it still feels like we’re existing in this odd holding pattern. Waiting.

I know that the end of the summer is going to be bringing big changes to our lives. Julie will be in fourth grade, which seems somehow more momentous than it maybe is. It’s fourth grade, a grade her brother never managed to make, and a year that her older sister absolutely hated. Fourth grade was Jessie’s year of many injuries – she had her concussion fourth grade, and broke a couple of bones, sprained a few more muscles. Julie is such a different kid, socially, than Jessie is, I’m hoping that her fourth grade year is a lot happier and a lot less accident prone than Jessie’s was.

Sam will be going into junior high, which, in and of itself, would be huge. But given that it’s his first year back since third grade… it scares the bejeezus out of me. There are so many things that I’m low-level panicking about – tonight I’m worrying about fire drills and shooting lock downs. And lockers and taking notes and navigating socially… it’s like this endless loop that I try desperately to not fall into. He’ll be fine, he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine. And if he isn’t… then we homeschool again. Or we’ll do TECCA or one of the other on-line options. There are choices here, and he isn’t locked into anything.

And Jessie – oh my God, she’s going to be a junior. In high school. I’ve got two more years of her childhood left, and then… it’s not that parenting is over for her, she’ll still be my daughter, and God knows, I’m 45 and still calling my mother daily – but I still get a lump in my throat when I think about her moving out.