There. I’ve said it. I really hate this time of year. I like having my kids around all the time, and while I’m fully convinced that it’s the best for them to attend school, in my heart of hearts, sending them off to be with other people all day seems as wrong now as it did when they were infants. They’re mine. I want them with me.
Maybe it’d help if either one of them was in the least bit enthusiastic about it – but they aren’t. Jessie has been a wreck, rocketing back and forth between excitement over getting “organized” (she must get that from Marc, her odd delight in putting things in order) and sobbing because she’s dead certain that she’s got the meanest teacher in the world and she doesn’t like a single soul that’s in her class. Sam is resigned to going, I think. But he’s been a little extra clingy, and all I can think is that this time next week, he’s going to be a little pool of Sammy Misery, all tears and heartbreak because I have to send him away ALL DAY LONG.
I hate shopping for school supplies, I hate glue sticks and pencil sharpeners and trying to figure out what’s going to “cool” for Jessica this year. I hate the agonies over wearing sneaker for gym (Jessie hates sneakers and only ever wears them when she’s got gym class, and always sobs over it), trying to pick out clothes every morning (and I know we should pick them out the night before, but anyone who says that’ll work doesn’t have an indecisive, moody eight year old, who will blithely agree with the outfit the night before and then decide she hates it and can’t possibly wear it the next morning). I hate packing lunch, I hate fighting over homework. I hate making them go in the morning.
All of this is just based on sending Jessica Mary to school. I can’t begin to tell you how much I’m dreading sending Samilicious Boy out the door. The hardest part for me is constantly pretending that going to school is the best thing since sliced bread, and they’ll LOVE it – third grade is the BEST and kindergarten? Holy moly, kindergarten is more fun that anything! When the truth is that I don’t want to send them at all. Intellectually, I know that it’s the right thing to send them to school. Temperment wise – Jessica and I would not do well homeschooling, we’re too much alike, and I think if I didn’t kill her, she’d kill me. If there was any doubt in my mind, kicking her butt to get the book reports done this summer convinced me. And Sam needs a little nudge to go out into the world. He’s very shy and antisocial, and I’m hoping that kindergarten encourages him to be a little more social. Or at least, not so out and out terrified of strangers. It’s not terrified, he’s not afraid of people, he just honestly doesn’t like people in general. In specific, he’s fine, he loves us, he’s got friends, neighbors, relatives, etc. But in general, he doesn’t like people.
Ahh – general grumpiness all over the place today. Jess has been sarcastic and disrespectful a lot lately, and I explained to her today that I wasn’t going to spend the next ten years being treated like crap, and from now on, every single time she was wretched to me, she’d be sent to her room and I’d make her write “I will not speak to my mother disrespectfully again.” over and over and over. It’s either that, or I’m just going to start beating her with a stick. I know she’s stressed about tomorrow. But with her stress and Julianna’s teething misery, it’s not a good day to be bitchy to me. That’s all I’m saying.