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Apr 03

I’m drowning

Let’s just be honest. I’m not handling things well.

Sam is struggling in school. Mostly because he still doesn’t have the accomodations he needs, and I’m struggling to find the time to go through all the lessons with him. So it’s not so much that he’s struggling as I am. We’re in the process of re-writing his IEP, and I’m not at all optimistic that we’ll be able to keep him at TECCA in the fall. They aren’t preparing him for college. But will WPS be any better? I don’t know. I really, really don’t. I’m going from meeting to meeting, frantically searching for the right answer, or answers, and I’m not at all sure I know the right questions.

Julie is still not recovered from the concussion. She’s dizzy and gets super tired, and is now complaining of daily stomach cramps. I’m halfway convinced that she’s got celiac disease too, and can’t stop myself from frantically checking for blood test results to confirm. Knowing, of course, that a positive blood test result will only mean more doctor’s appts and an endoscopy. More missed school, and then a lifetime of being gluten free. For my girl who eats bread like it’s her job.

We’re less than five weeks out from the bat mitzvah, and the list of things to do is ever growing. It’s taking over her life, over my life, and I’m sure I’m forgetting a thousand different things. Everything costs a million dollars, and while we’re okay – it’s still scary as hell to spend this much money.

I’m planning a Seder for Thursday night. For 20 people.

And Jessie’s going to Copenhagen in the fall.

I’m… completely, utterly, and totally in over my head.

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