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Category Archive: Uncategorized

Jan 24

49

So this is happening. I’m working hard at being okay with getting older. I’m practicing telling myself I’m 50, in hopes that when I actually turn 50 next year, it will feel normal. Because it seems bizzare to me that I’m 50. I mean, I’m not, I’m still technically 48, but 49 is tomorrow, and …

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Dec 31

New Years Eve

Not my favorite holiday – although not my least favorite holiday. It almost seems like one I don’t particularly celebrate. Other than the book lists – I’ve been happily jotting down all the book recommendations. It’s a quiet morning today – all three kids are still asleep. I slept in until almost eight, which is …

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Dec 15

Emotional Muscle Memory

For years, every February, April and July, I’d want another baby. I’d find myself dreaming about infants, thinking about how we’d fit another car seat in the car. I realized that on some level, my body, my emotions, remembered being in that state. Being nine months pregnant and so ready to hold my baby. It’s …

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Dec 06

Another concussion

My poor Julie was in the backseat of Marc’s car when it got clobbered by a sleeping driver. The car is totalled, my daughter has whiplash and a concussion. There are so many complications with this – I can’t even process them all. First of all – Julie is hurt. She’s got a concussion, and …

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Nov 28

Approaching Fifty

I’m not there yet. In fact, I’m not yet 49. But Becky has turned 50, and so, emotionally, I’ve started prepping. I find myself thinking mortality thoughts. Getting ready to get old. Thinking about long term, my kids living without me. Not in a scary or maudlin sort of way – just in a “huh …

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Nov 06

It never really gets easier

I’m sure that at some point, it’ll stop. Right? They’ll all reach adulthood. Full on, total, adult hood. Although as I’m thinking about it, maybe it won’t. Maybe once you have kids, you spend the rest of your life watching them get older and older and growing more and more into themselves. First it’s holding …

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Aug 27

Like pushing a rock up the hill

I’ve successfully cleaned one room. One. I still can’t find the remote. I had such big plans for today. I was going to sweep, I was going to rearrange. I was going to indulge in a trash television marathon of Kardashians. Instead – I finished a book and cleaned one room. I did move Julie’s …

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Aug 25

I miss her

When Jessie went to college last year, she was a mess. Just… a mess. She was super homesick and sad, and because of that, I didn’t miss her. I was so focused on making her okay, and she called me, seven, eight, nine times a day. I talked to her when she woke up, when …

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Aug 03

A bag for a man

I just bought Sam a bag for school, and promptly burst into tears. He’s been using Jessie’s hand-me-down backpack from high school and it’s been fine. I mean, it’s purple and not all that functional for him, but it fit his laptop. Sam never asks for anything. Ever. Occasionally, he’ll ask for a video game, …

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Jul 20

Pondering

I find myself thinking, more and more, about what comes next. What comes AFTER I’m done raising kids? I’m not there yet, but I know it’s coming and it has the potential to really, really throw me. When I went from not having kids to having kids – it was an easy transition. It just …

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