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Monthly Archive: August 2021

Aug 19

I’ve felt this way before

I was sitting this morning, thinking my thoughts, and realizing that I have felt like this before. It’s not precisely the same, but the closest I can come is when you’re eight and a half months pregnant. Not there yet, but on the precipice of everything changing, and being in a new place. Everything is …

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Aug 17

To Jessica – on leaving for college

There are so many things I hope I taught you over the years. So many lessons I meant to make sure you learned. I wonder, looking back, if I did enough. Did I tell you everything I meant to? In the end, I don’t want to make you a list of helpful advice. You don’t …

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Aug 11

Ever closer

I’ve been thinking of a letter that I should write for Jessie when she goes off to college. And while I will do it, it occurs to me that I need to work through some things first. Because it should be about her, and right now, I keep making it about me. When I think …

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Aug 03

Will I always feel like this?

Julie is spending the night at my sister’s house, with her cousin Aria. Which is lovely and fun, and I’m happy she’s out and about, spending time doing something she likes. BUT – it feels… off. I don’t feel right when one of my kids is not here. I mean, it’s fine, I’m not worried …

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Aug 02

Squares on a calendar

My days with her are whittled down to squares on the calendar. Julie has a calendar she keeps on the wall in the living room, and wherever I sit, I can see it. I haven’t counted them up yet, but I can’t quite help myself from counting the weeks. Three full weeks left. Two partial. …

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