I’m back! I took a week or so off from blogging and writing, not intentionally, really. Part of it was that I had all the kids home for vacation, so things were crazy and hectic. But a bigger part of it was that I had just finished taking a book proposal class and needed some time to think about it.
I finished my book proposal, and got as far as finding an agent or two that I wanted to send it to. But I wanted to pause for a minute, catch my breath, and think about what I wanted from the book. And what I wanted for myself, going forward. How big do I want the blog to get, how much of a platform am I comfortable with, what exactly are my dreams and goals.
I’m not certain what the answers are yet. But I feel refreshed and ready to pick it up again. I love to write, and more than loving to write, I really need to write. It’s how I process stuff, it’s how I think about things. And I need to have it read. There’s something incredibly satisfying to me when someone reads what I wrote and likes it. But I’m not comfortable putting so much of myself out there, in a huge public sort of way, so I’m going to slow it down, stop putting all this pressure on myself to build an audience and expand the platform. I’m going to focus on that which I do well, and that which I know I love doing. Blogging for me, for MassMoms and InterfaithFamily.com. I’m going to investigate freelance writing, actually getting paid for some of this stuff would be fabulous. I’ve had a couple of pieces published. Let’s look into getting some more.
And my book. I love my book, not that it’s much more than a pretty proposal right now, but I think it has potential to be something wonderful. It’s about my spiritual journey thus far, how I came to be comfortable and then enthusiastic about Judaism, and how I was able to convert while still feeling as though I didn’t have abandon who I am. It’s a big book for me, it’s a topic I’ve been writing about since I met Marc, and I’m definitely going to continue working on that as well.
It’s hard for me to be ambitious. I’m not sure why, I think part of it is transitioning from full time motherhood – I have been so focused for the past decade on having babies that thinking about what I want, for me, for my professional life, is literally something I’m not used to doing. And even as I write that, I can hear Julianna starting to yell at her sister, and Jessie starting to get aggravated with her. Which reinforces why it’s hard to focus on myself at times. Is it just me? Are there other moms out there that struggle to find time and space to think about themselves?
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