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May 07

Baby bliss

Is there anything more amazing than a tiny baby? With huge eyes, a little pointed chin and a look of perpetual confusion on her face? She’s alternately confused or indignant, with the sweetest little smiles and coos sprinkled in between. I can’t stop holding her and have to talk myself into putting her down to sleep for her naps. At least once a day. Because really, it feels right that she be in my arms constantly. And if I’m not holding her, I’d rather her daddy be holding her, or her brother or sister. She’s perfect in every way, so gorgeous it takes my breath away and fits so perfectly into the family, I can’t imagine how it ever felt right without her. I looked at her this morning, laying between Jess and Sam on the couch and thought to myself – “oh I’d do this again in a heartbeat.” All the nausea, the itching, the aches and pains, the tears and the irritability – it was all so incredibly worth it. And as much as I think that she’s probably my last baby, intellectually, I think pregnancy is tough and it’s hard to give each kid enough time and attention with three… it’s hard to conceptualize never having another baby. Because this one is so wonderful – how could anyone not want to do this again?

I’m having a blissful day – yes, you guessed it, she slept for four solid hours last night and nursed really well this morning. That’s really all it takes to restore me to wide awake happiness. Yesterday, I felt like I was in a fog all day, she had been up most of the night and was sleeping thru feeding and falling asleep every time I tried to nurse. But last night, she slept from 9-12, and from 2-6:30, and has nursed like a champ all morning. No nipple shield (although we used it off and on all day yesterday and last night). As much as I hate it, if she won’t latch without it, she’ll usually latch with it.

We’re still figuring it out – with Sam, nursing was his end all, be all. If he fussed, the only thing that calmed him down was nursing. Because he didn’t fuss, he screamed. And he’d always latch on, always. So that’s my first instinct, and it’s confusing to me that she doesn’t always WANT to nurse. Sometimes she wants to be rocked, or snuggled up on my shoulder or just laid down on a blanket to contemplate everything.

Sam fell asleep last night at six thirty and slept thru the night until seven this morning. He’s still my champion sleeper – and when he’s tired, he simply crashes early and catches up on all that he’s missed by staying up late to play with Marc. Yesterday, he was holding the baby with the boppy pillow. He held her for about twenty minutes, and then asked me to take her. I picked her up, walked to the couch and glanced over at him, and he had laid his little head down and passed out. So cute – and I envy him the ability to simply decide it’s sleep time and do it. He gets it from Marc, and I so wish that all of my kids inherited that tendency.

Jessie went out with Yvonne yesterday afternoon, and came home after Sam fell asleep. She took a bath, played with her new webkinz, and snuggled the baby girl for a while. She’s so funny – she just flat out ADORES this baby. It’s the quickest way to get her up in the morning, and as long as I make sure that she gets some baby love in the morning, she’s so much easier to get off to school. She fell asleep on the couch last night while I nursed Julie and slept thru the night as well – in her own bed. Major score there, as she’s been in my bed most of the last week, simply because I’ve been too tired to put her to bed in her own room.

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