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Jun 11

Had a little moment last night

I signed Sam up for swimming lessons at the pool down the street.  Because it’s a state pool, they offer free swimming lessons for kids, but you have to sign up at the crack of dawn and they really don’t publicize it.  But I got up at five thirty and stood in line for two hours to sign him up, and now he’s good to go every morning for a half hour, starting the week after school gets out.

It’s odd, because this is the first “activity” that he’s had any interest whatsoever.  He was horrified at the prospect of going to actual summer camp at the JCC (where EVERY other little kid goes) and apathetic about baseball or street hockey or gymnastics.  Any other option – he was either violently opposed to or possibly neutral towards it, but never actually excited and looking forward to it.  But swimming lessons – he can’t wait.  
And my boy – my beloved baby boy, who thinks the sun rises and sets on his Mama – the one who only gave up nursing after I literally ran out of milk and had been begging for months for him to stop, the one who ran after me, heartbroken, when I tried to leave him at kindergarten, the one who falls asleep every night snuggled as close as he can – that boy popped out into the dining room last night and asked if Daddy could please take him on the first day of swimming lessons.  
Wow.  Just… wow.  I mean, kudos, right?  This is GREAT, on just about every level.  He trusts his Daddy, he loves his Daddy and that’s exactly as it should be.  But I had this little moment of “wow – he’d rather have Marc than me there.”  I mean, he’s almost six.  He’s preferred Marc for all kinds of things for a long time – but there were certain things that we just my domain.  And when he was nervous and scared and trying a new thing – that was always my territory.  I didn’t really claim it, exactly, but it’s always been his default position, clinging to me, that I felt pushed aside and confused.  Really?  You want DADDY there for the first day?  Not Mama?  
It sounds selfish, and I don’t think it is.  After this little blip of confusion, there was this rush of satisfaction – yes, this is what I want.  I want for him to feel as nurtured and safe with his Daddy as he does with me.  And selfishly, yes – I want to chill out at home and drink my coffee and relax, while Marc treks out the door before the morning is really awake and goes to swimming lessons.  So overall, it’s a great thing, and I’m happy about it – but it was a pretty major milestone last night.

(I’m linked up with http://yeahwrite.me/61-open-challenge/ this week)

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