I live in the moment. Literally – no sense of perception. Especially about nursing. If we have one bad session, then I’m devastated, assuming that it’s a constant battle and I get really upset. But then a day or two passes and I realize that we’re fine and all the stress and aggravation was pretty useless in the end. I nursed without the shield earlier, and didn’t cry. I used it this last time though, there’s still a noticable crack and even though it’s better, it’s not gone yet. Last night, she was screaming when I wasn’t holding her. From about four thirty on, until Marc got home around ten. If I wasn’t holding her, she was hysterical. No middle ground, no sleeping, either. She was either in my arms, sleeping or nursing or just hanging out, or she was screaming. I was stressed and frustrated, because the house was a mess, I couldn’t DO anything, like make dinner or take care of the other kids, and there’s stuff I NEED to do. Jessie needed a shower, the kids had to eat, and it was just hard. But today – she’s back to peaceful and relaxed. We snuggle and hang out, and she sleeps in her swing or in the carriage. No stress, I got to eat breakfast and lunch, and even got to clean Jessica’s bedroom. Did three loads of laundry (can’t find the time to fold them, but that’s another story). It’s a good day.

On the way to the park earlier, we ran across a tree that had been chopped down. My little druid was devastated, he couldn’t understand why someone had chopped down one of his favorite trees. I had to pick him up and let him cry for a minute or two, and we put a rock on top of it, just like we did at the cemetary to let the tree know that we loved it and missed it. He’s drawing a picture right now to commemorate it. He’s got a major tree thing and has since he was tiny. He worries about them out in the elements, and grieves every fall when the leaves fall. And trees getting cut down are just hard for him to understand…

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