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Sep 03

I’m lonely

I know it’s not a popular thing to say – and I know that I’m happily married, with two healthy children and that I should count my blessings. But dammit, I’m just flat out lonely. I don’t have anyone to TALK to – not about converting to Judaism, not about this whole new weird conservative voting outlook that I’m adopting, not about anything. And it’s making me sad and depressed. Somehow I managed to alienate everyone that I used to consider a friend, leaving me with people who love me a lot, and people who like me, but nobody that I can just say anything to. I’ve got Marc, thank God, and he’s wonderful, but he’s sick of listening to me.

Maybe I’m just having a sucky night. Jessie started school two days ago, and it’s been hard on everyone. She’s loving it, and seems to be fine about going – but I’m still having trouble adjusting to not KNOWING what’s going on in her world. Who she’s talking to, what she’s doing, what her day is like. Maybe I’m just a weird overprotective mother, but this doesn’t seem at all normal to me to ship your child, a five year old child, off to spend the majority of her day with strangers. I get little bits and pieces of her day, when she remembers to tell me, but she’s only five, and just doesn’t have the ability to sum up everything she’s done in a neat little synopsis for me. Maybe there’s a kindergarten mom support group somewhere??

Jess and Sam are not adjusting well to being without each other, they are alternately madly in love with each other and playing perfectly well or screaming at the top of their lungs at each other. And whirling from one to the other in rapid succession and I can’t keep up.

It’s a really crappy night.

Onward and upward, I guess. They’re eating and vegging out in front of the television (I finally put it on when I couldn’t get them to stop yelling at each other) and I’m going to shoot for a very early bedtime tonight. Maybe if everyone got more sleep, we’d be happier.

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