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Aug 05

Is my marriage exceptional or is it just me?

We’ve been together for seven and a half years now – and I still really, really like him. Legitimately, he’s my favorite person to talk to, my first line of emotional support. He’s literally my best friend – but I’m also (blushing here) incredibly attracted to him as well. Our sex life is not as intense, frequency wise, as it was pre-kids, but it’s as good, if not better, when it does happen.

We don’t always agree – and there are days when he makes me insane. There are days when we’re just so/so, not arguing but not really in sync either – but for the most part – we’re just a unit.

Last night, I was driving to pick Marc up at work, with the two kids in the backseat. We drive a very old, battered Volvo station wagon, very traditional and mom-ish. I heard a song that came out about seven years ago, just after I had my miscarriage. I don’t know the name of it, but the chorus goes “Its a great day to be alive, I know the sun’s still shining when I close my eyes…” and every time I hear it, I get a little misty. Because that’s always been my outlook, and after I lost my babies, I couldn’t ever imagine feeling that way again. Everything was dark and dangerous and painful, and the first time I heard that song, I had to pull over and cry – not just because I was aching from the loss of the pregnancy that had shocked and thrilled me, but also because I lost that aspect of who I was, that level of buoyancy and joy and hope – and didn’t know if I’d ever get it back.

Yesterday, I still got a little teary, just remembering what that was like, and wishing that I could go back and tell the girl I was that things would get better, and that one day, I’d be driving my two happy, healthy, vibrant children to pick up my husband, who’s wonderful and loving and brilliant and fun – and that I’d get that joy, that hope, that happiness back. And it’s mostly because of Marc – if he hadn’t loved me so well, if he hadn’t stuck thru the sadness and showed me that I could come out the other side, if he hadn’t given me Jess and Sam and the little one yet to be conceived – I don’t think I would have been able to get there on my own. Thank God I didn’t have to.

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