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Jul 10

Lazy summer

I’ve been slacking a bit on blogging… no real reason, I’m just lazy these past couple of days. Thursday morning, I didn’t bother getting out of bed until after nine o’clock, which is unheard of for me. By Thursday night, it occured to me that I hadn’t showered since Monday – and I still couldn’t work up the energy to haul myself up out of the recliner to get into the shower. This morning, I made myself get up bright and early, take a nice shower, pack up the kids and the car, and head out to the lake. Only to realize that all the lakes in Worcester are closed to swimming because of all of the rain. Apparently we’ve got high bacteria levels, and even though both lakes I checked had kids swimming in them, I couldn’t see myself letting my kids go in. Drove all over Worcester to find the one state pool that’s open (because the town pools have been closed all summer due to budget cuts), only to find out that they don’t open until the afternoon. At which point, I gave up, directed the kids to the nearest playground, slathered them in sunblock and sat down with my book. We got home around noonish, I stopped for ice cream cones for lunch (I know, fabulous parenting – but sometimes, ice cream for lunch is a GREAT idea) and came back here for Sam’s nap. Which has lasted and lasted and lasted, I’m beginning to think he’ll never wake up.

Both kids are slightly sick – Sam is a little congested and Jess has had this cough for weeks on end. They don’t feel sick, but you know how you can tell that something is just off? That’s where these two are… things have been well here with me, other than the appalling lack of energy, Marc and I have been bickering off and on about his lack of helpfulness at doing stuff around the house – but I think my general lack of energy has factored into it. Normally, I just do it all and don’t notice it, but lately, I’m noticing it all the time. The dishes have become my newest pet peeve. I hate washing dishes. The only thing worse that doing them, is knowing that they’re there, in the sink, just festering and waiting for me to wash them.

I have a scary suspicion that I’m pregnant. Of course, I always think I’m pregnant. Marc says I’ve successfully predicted 47 of my past 2 pregnancies. Before I had Jess, I had an extremely unplanned pregnancy that resulted in twin miscarriages at 10 and 11 weeks. The pregnancy caught me by surprise – which is to say, I was more shocked than I’d ever been to realize that my period was late and OMG, I was pregnant – so I compensate now, subconsciously, by assuming that I’m perpetually pregnant. Given that I’m not on any birth control, there’s always a chance that it could be, so we’ll wait and see… and as much as I want to be pregnant, I’m scared of it as well. For a whole host of reasons, but one of the main ones is that my closest friend and cousin is going thru infertility issues and this will hurt her. I hate the thought of causing her pain. But I hate the thought of not having another baby as well… so right now, we aren’t using birth control, but not actively trying (i.e.. charting, trying to have sex on the right days, etc.). Plus pregnant – that’s just a scary prospect all the way around… But I’m so incredibly lazy and have no energy all this week… we’ll see…

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