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May 03

Love letter to Marc

I have much, much to post about, and no time yet to do it… but wanted to make this first one after Julianna’s birth be for my husband. Not only because without him, I wouldn’t have any of this – my beautiful Jessica, my sweet, sweet Sammy or this amazing baby girl who I already love so, so much. But because yesterday, I had one of the worst days of my entire life. Julie wouldn’t latch on and suddenly, I was facing not being able to feed my baby, and I completely lost my mind. Could NOT stop crying, to say that I was devastated is putting it mildly. Breastfeeding is so incredibly important to me, it’s such a big part of the way I mother, I couldn’t conceive of NOT doing it, but Julie was really underweight and slightly jaundiced, and yesterday, it was critical that she NOT miss feedings. So we had to bottle feed with formula, because my milk hadn’t come in yet (expect another lengthy post about that) and it was so incredibly hard for me.

And Marc was right there, all day. He supported me, he held me when I couldn’t stop crying, he took care of my children, my poor Jessie and Sam who were so confused, they had never seen me like that, and poor Julie, who was so upset – I had never heard her cry the way she did yesterday. There were numerous occasions when all four of us were inconsolably sobbing – and if Marc hadn’t been here, I can’t imagine how we would have handled it. He was amazing – so thoughtful and supportive and loving and doing it all on very little sleep. I love you so much, honey, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how much better you made yesterday – because of you, I was able to work my way thru the emotions and the hormones and the tears and the heartache.

And – after all that, Julie is latching on and nursing again, not all the time, but more and more. She’s got some nipple confusion now, and on the advice of the LLL leader, I bought nipple shields which worked beautifully for the last feeding, so I’m really optimistic that we’re done with formula. And now I’ve got three loads of laundry to do, lunch to eat, floors to vacuum and a little girl to love – but I’ll try and post again soon – I have the BEST delivery story (two pushes, and I was laughing thru them).

On a side note – I HEART BABY WEARING. This little girl lives in her sling when she’s not being held in someone’s arms, and it makes my life so much better.
I’m so happy right now – I feel like my family is complete now, we’re all here, and this baby is so beautiful and so perfect – and watching her with the kids and Marc makes me happier than I would have thought possible.

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