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May 12

Mother’s Day

I’m thinking today about five people.

My mother – she had turned twenty two the day before I was born.  That boggles my mind now, because I had just turned twenty nine when I had Jessica.  By the time she turned twenty nine, she was newly divorced, with four little kids, starting on a journey that was harder than anyone anticipated it would be.  Raising children with a loving, devoted spouse is hard, raising kids straight up alone must have been unspeakably difficult.  I imagine, in so many ways, it still is.  Because it’s her job, hers alone.  All that we are, all four of us, all of our faults and successes and heartbreaks and triumphs – she’s our only parent.  She bears all that weight, by herself, all the time, and I don’t think any of us really get that.  But she’s taught me about selflessness, and unconditional love and support and how to make stuffing and why going to the ocean makes everything better.  She’s my mom, my best friend, and I can’t imagine what my life would be like without her.

My husband – Marc came into my life at a time when I not sure what I was doing.  Single, in a career that was fun but not particularly meaningful.  I was searching for him, for what we have, without even knowing that it could exist.  I had no model for a successful, happy marriage.  I had no framework for a devoted, hands on dad, and no idea how to parent when it wasn’t a one person job.  Marc loved me long before I was ready for it, and waited until I caught up to see that he was exactly what he said he was, right there, going nowhere, loving me and loving the family that we’d create.  He’s the foundation that I build everything else on, what we have together makes my life possible.  I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without him at my side.

And my kids – my Jessica, who’s held my heart from the very first moment I looked into her eyes.  Dramatic and stubborn, thoughtful and intense, she’s my first baby, the one who made me Mama.  My Sammy, who’s taught me more about mothering than I ever thought I’d learn.  I’ve never thought I was a fighter, until I had a child who needed more from me than everyone thought he should get, and he stretched me and tested me and challenged me and taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible.  My Julianna Ruth, after the worst pregnancy and the easiest birth, I was giggling when she was born.  She’s feisty and imperious, sweet and loving and the center of everyone’s whole world.

Thank you, to all five.  Thank to my mother, because she showed me what motherhood is all about.  Thank you to my husband, who loves and supports me, and without whom I would not be a mom.  And lastly, thank you to Jessie, Sam and Julie.  You three are my center, my heart and everything I ever wanted.  I love you more than you’ll know.


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