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Apr 17

No baby yet…

Although steady contractions all day yesterday and today. I keep hoping that my water will just BREAK and then I’ll KNOW. Because I’m afraid to go back into the hospital and get sent back home again. I’ve felt almost like I’m coming down with the flu, lots of nausea, body aches, etc. The contractions are mostly manifesting in my back (again, I had hoped to avoid back labor this time) but I’m still getting them in front as well.

Mostly I’m just tired and worn out – physically and emotionally. It’s been such a long ride, waiting for this baby to come. I’m emotionally all fragile, Jessie walked past me earlier and I burst into tears, just because I remembered when the nurse came in and told me that they were probably going to be doing a c-section because I had stopped dilating with her. I know I wasn’t crying because I was scared of surgery – it was that all of a sudden, my baby was coming and I knew that nothing would ever be the same again. I feel that same way now. I didn’t feel that with Sam – mostly, I think, because he came early, and so fast I didn’t have time to really think about it. But with this one, as with Jessie (Jess was a 12 hour labor, from the start of the first contraction to when she was finally out), I’ve had a lot of time to ponder what a new baby is going to bring. My whole life is going to change, I’m going to have this whole new person that I’m going to love and need and adore and I’m right on the cusp of it. And it’s terrifying. Amazing, wonderful and absolutely terrifying.

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