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May 09


We have options.  None of them are good.

We had the doctor’s appointment today.  Five hours worth of doctor’s appointment, adding in commuting time back and forth to Boston.

It might just be that his vision is permanently gone in his right eye.  His left eye is basically 20/30 with incredible nearsightedness.  He can see pretty well, it up has to be really, really close.  His right eye is 20/200.  It’s possible, probable, that the damage to the optic nerve was just too great, and isn’t going to improve.

It’s possible that there is a clot, or a problem with the veins.  Something that’s just not allowing the cerebral-spinal fluid to drain.  Maybe we need to do another MRI and spinal tap.  That could probably be done on an outpatient basis.

It’s possible that what he really needs in a stint or a shunt.  Not sure why he’d need one versus the other, because my mind was screaming “BRAIN SURGERY” over and over again at this point in the conversation.

And what’s makes it worse is that even if we decide to it all, the MRI, the spinal tap, the surgery – there’s a good chance that all we’d get is minimal improvement.  That he’s never going to regain full sight in that eye.

We’re home tonight, and waiting for a call from the neurosurgeon.  They’re consulting tonight.

I have no words.

I don’t know what to hope for – another round of testing, which is torture and trauma for my little boy.  And no guarantees that it’ll help.  Or acceptance that it’s not going to get any better – that my little boy is going to partially blind, and will have to live his life with only one good eye (and even that eye is crappy by any reasonable standard).

This is where we are.

But we’re home, and I’m grateful for that.  I’m grateful that he took his meds tonight without a battle.  We learned that the metallic taste in his mouth is because of the diamox.  Which is good news, because I thought it was because of the concussion, and might or might not come back.  But it’s actually a common side effect of the medication, and will go away once he’s able to stop taking it.

My girls are okay – they spent the day with their grandmother (did I mention that Julianna had head lice?  I found it last night, and kept her home today to make sure that the shampoo/removal worked).

I’m numb.


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