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Jul 17

She’s only little for a little while

Okay, so I kept my girl home from camp today. All was going well, I got her dressed and off to school fine, brought her inside, and she was uncharacteristically clingy. Like, wouldn’t get off my leg, clingy. But I presevered, gave her a kiss and put away her back pack and told her I’d come and get her in a few hours. I felt… not right about it, though. So I spied on her for a bit thru the window, like a stalker. She didn’t know I was there, and I promised myself that I’d stay just until I knew that she was okay. She was standing all alone over by the window, looking lost and sad. Miss Beth came over and tried to talk to her for a bit, but she got distracted and poor Jess was still just standing up against the window, not talking to anyone.

I argued with myself, do I make her stay? We paid for her to attend, I want her to learn to be independent and brave and confident, she’s a big girl now, going off to kindergarten, I can’t let her stay home because she’s too shy… but the other side of the argument was that I suspect she’s getting sick, due to a phenominal amount of crying yesterday, it’s not kindergarten yet, it’s just summer camp and she’s only five… The amount of time when I’d be able to rescue her and take her home with me is dwindling – once she starts school, it won’t be an option, really, and the time when she rather be anywhere other than with her mother is fast approaching – the past five and half years went by fast enough for me to know that the next ten will fly by… twenty years from now, am I going to be happy that I left my little girl or that I let her come home with me?

The twenty years thing decided me – I just had a yucky feeling about leaving her there, and knew I’d regret it. So I poked my head in the door, and said her name, and she looked up at me with those big, big brown eyes filled up with tears, and I brought her home with me.

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