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May 29

Sick, sick, and more sick – take two

I’ve got a sinus infection and an ear infection. And I’ve got my period. Which is notable only because I was five days late. And I, of course, assumed I was pregnant. I’m aware of the fact that I think I’m pregnant every month, but this time, I was really convinced of it. Marc brought home a pregnancy test last night, and I woke up at four o’clock this morning… and it was negative. And even though I had been panicking – even though I really, really, really want for my cousin Becky to get pregnant first and was horrified at the thought of telling her that I was having a baby right after her miscarriage, even though I was freaking about Sam still nursing and how would I deal with that – even though, even though, even though – I was still disappointed to have the test be negative.

My face and head hurt so much right now, I’d cry, but that would only make it hurt more. I’m missing the Relay for Life in Maynard and feel guilty about that as well (adding guilt to in pain, hormonal, and crampy, in case any one was keeping track of crappy moods I’m dealing with here), but really couldn’t face the thought of sleeping out in the rain with a screaming Sam. My mother in law took Jess out to the movies and for dinner, and Sam’s happily watching Backyardigans.

I wish today was over and it was tomorrow, and the antibiotics had kicked in and I felt like me again.

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