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Nov 13

Situational Depression

I don’t know if it’s actual depression.  Because it feels more like I’m just in a bad mood all the time.  And it’s all because of the move.  I still haven’t found a place to live, and I feel the clock ticking down to December 1 all the time.  I need a three bedroom, deleaded apartment in the West side of Worcester.  Add to that that our primary breadwinner is still collecting unemployment and we were completely unprepared to come up with first/last/security (because we were promised that we would be fine here thru the school year) and it’s all I can think about.  On paper, we don’t look like good prospective tenants – and that makes me angry, because we ARE.  We pay our rent, we’re nice people, we’re friendly.  I’m just mad.  When I’m not mad, I’m stressed and panicking.  I hate this time.

But on the upside, we are all still healthy and happy, relatively speaking.  There are apartments out there, and once I move, I’ll have a lovely landlord that I can depend on, and life will be blissful once again.  And Marc’s got a second interview set up for next week, and there’s a lot of potential there.  I’m not panicking financially, or I wouldn’t be, if I wasn’t looking at moving in less than three weeks.  But I digress.  Which is what I’m saying – I keep digressing back to anger and frustration…

Brief kid update –

Jessica Mary is thriving.  Just absolutely thriving.  Doing very well in school, seems happy socially.  She loves her teacher, and I’d say that third grade is probably her easiest year so far in terms of her adjustment.   She’s got her school conference on Tuesday, and I’m looking forward to getting a more in depth perspective.

Sam is also doing well – other than the freak out over school pictures and a recurring problem with entering the art room.  As it stands now, I’m the official art helper, which seems to help.  He still looks heartbreakingly little to me every morning as he trudges off to school, with that giant backpack that he insists on carrying, but I have to reluctantly admit that he’s growing up.

Fortunately, I’ve still got my Julianna.  Who is still not really walking.  She can – but won’t.  She walks on her knees.  She’s also talking more and more, she can say animal noises and several other words – and has also perfected the art of making the kids laugh on purpose.  She performs for them, and it’s so sweet.  They just flat out adore her, she’s such a lucky baby…

And Marc – thank God for Marc.  I’m achingly aware of how lucky I am.  I can’t imagine how I’d do this without him….

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