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Sep 22

Sometimes it’s just so simple

I like Mondays. It’s such a good day now, one of my days off, now that Harrison is going to preschool, and after the hectic weekends, it’s nice to have one day when it’s calm and quiet and relaxing. Sam and I hang out, we talk, go for long walks, take naps, clean a lot, watch television :-). Marc goes to the gym mostly on Monday nights, so after Jess comes home, I have the kids play for a while, and they are missing each other because they’d been together all weekend, so they actually play together and not try to kill each other, and I make an easy dinner, let them have a picnic in the living room instead of a formal sit at the table dinner. Now, it’s six o’clock, I have minimal dishes to do, Jessie’s lunch is packed for tomorrow, her clothes laid out already. Jess is taking a “play bath” which is, as she explained to me earlier, different from a “hose you down bath.” Sam is still hating all things aquatic, and is happy watching Dora and playing with his Batman figurine. And I’m… happy. Content, peaceful, relaxed.

Had a scare earlier, Mom went in to get a couple of spots checked on her skin. I didn’t think too much about it, for the simple reason that the the thought of her getting seriously ill, even deathly ill, and possibly dying scares me too much – I can’t think about it. She’s fine, had a full body scan, and not a spot of anything that might remotely resemble skin cancer. When my grandmother died, almost twenty five years ago, my mother promised me that she’d never die. And while logically, I get that it isn’t true, I have to confess that I’ve always found enormous comfort in that promise. And the nice thing is that if she ever does, she won’t be around for me to scream at for breaking a promise. Win/win for her, she gets to make me happy and not have to face the consequences. And I figure that in that eventuality, I’m going to be such a mess that I’d give anything to have her back to yell at her about it, so I won’t waste my time being angry at her. I plan on promising Jess and Sam the same thing, if it ever comes up.

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