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Jul 23

Sunshiney delighted today

And for the oddest of reasons… I’m not pregnant. As much as I’d like to be, I’m strangely relieved that I’m not. I’m certain it will happen, if not this month, then soon. And while intellectually, I am convinced that I don’t want to prevent a pregnancy, I’m already 35, Marc is 40, Lilli will be 11 by the time the baby comes… Jess and Sam are getting older as well. I KNOW I want another baby, emotionally, but I’m okay with knowing that I will be pregnant but am not there yet. If that makes any sense.

I tried to explain it to Marc this morning. I want another baby, absolutely, and am eagerly looking forward to another pregnancy and tiny baby feet, and wearing him/her in sling and breastfeeding a tiny little baby – I like the hospital stay, I like everything about a baby. Infancy is one of my favorite ages… and yet, I’m not disappointed to not be pregnant. I like the anticipation – I think it’ll be that much more exciting if it has a little more time to build. Being pregnant would be WONDERFUL – but also scary – there’s a lot in flux right now, Marc wants to look for another job, we need to be in a bigger space, we have no room here for a baby… plus there’s all the stress that just goes along with nine months of puking, freaking out about labor, worrying about how the kids are going to react, etc. I don’t want to wait any longer – but am perfectly okay with the fact that it didn’t happen this month.

Potty training is going great – if you don’t factor in Sam. Harrison and Jordyn are both doing really well. No accidents, spent all day except for naps, in underwear or “bare bottomed” yesterday and I’m looking forward to continuing the progress today. I bought Sam his own potty, and will wait until he wants to try it out. It’s hard not to pressure him, but I know that it’ll only be harder if I’m pushing him when he doesn’t want to do it.

Jess is enjoying her “relaxing” days. She’s so funny – she really thrives on just hanging out at home, reading, coloring, watching a little television. She loves camp too – but I’m really glad that we built in a little down time into her summer. I have great memories of summer as a kid, long lazy days with nothing but fun – nowhere to be, nothing to “have to” do. I’m very pleased that Marc and I are able to give this to her. As enriching as camp is, having a parent at home full time gives us the ability to keep her home as well.

Volunteering all over the place – that’s me. I volunteered to be on the Religious School committee and the Early Childhood Education committee at the synagogue, and I believe I’m also on the subcommittee to plan the Hanukkah party this year. I also joined the PTO group at Flagg Street, and am going to be working at the Ice Cream social in September.

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