It’s not that my life is simple now. It’s not that it’s a walk in the park, or that I have no problems any more. But it feels that way. The truth is that when you’ve gone through what we went through, one of the only bonuses is that you get a sense of perspective. Things that used to be so hard suddenly seem insignificant. One example is head lice. We got head lice back in May, and it… just wasn’t that big of a deal. I did the shampoo, did the laundry, did the combing, and when it didn’t seem to go away, I got an rx from the pediatrician and did it all again. It wasn’t a big deal, because at the same time, I was also dealing with brain surgery, and a little boy who was terrified and a team the best doctors in the world who couldn’t decide on a way to fix it. Head lice just wasn’t that big of a deal.
Sam diet is still a mess. He still eats white rice and pancakes every day, and very little else. And I don’t care. I mean, I care. I encourage him to try new foods, and cook him whatever he’d like. But you know what? When your child has gone two weeks, literally, and ingested no food whatsoever – picky eating is such a silly thing to waste your time on. He’s got food he’ll eat, and I just let go of any power struggles or emotional attachment. He’ll eat something, and he’ll take vitamins occasionally. We don’t ever argue about food anymore. I used to get all invested on making my kids eat the same thing – I wasn’t going to be one of those moms who made a special meal for anyone. But now? I whip up pancakes at parties, because I know he’ll eat it. I keep white rice and tri-color pasta in the fridge at all times, just because it works. And once you start doing it for one kid – well, why not do it for all three? It’s a good meal when I can hit two of the kids at once with a meal – but I don’t make a big deal about it anymore, because Sam can’t eat it too. Making a big deal about everyone eating the same thing makes it harder on him – he can’t eat what the other kids are eating, and I refuse to make him feel badly about it.
Things are still a bit challenging. I make little concessions all the time to accomodate the injury. I don’t make him pour his own drinks or get his own clothes, because he can’t see that well. I buy more take out chicken than I’ve ever bought before. I don’t force them outside to play, because he overheats fast, and can’t see well enough to feel comfortable running around yet. But all in all, this time in my life is so much simpler and easier than it was. These problems, these are NOTHING compared to being in the hospital, to seeing him in so much pain, to knowing that your daughters are missing you and need you and you can’t do anything to make it better.
I’m happy these days. I’m grateful. It’s not all sunshine and roses, sometimes I’m bitchy and irritable and I think if I have to do one more load of laundry, I might just lose my mind… but overall, it’s so much better than it was.