I’ve honestly thought about this for a couple of years now. Basically, ever since I had Sam. With Jess, I was still pretty mobile. With one child, you can pretty much go and do everything with her. One child is cute and a fun addition to most activities. Shopping with friends? Check. Going out to dinner? Check. Even the movies was possible with just one. But with two… the whole landscape is different, especially because somewhere between having Jess and having Sam, I started having Lilli and Sarah every weekend.

And while it sounds as though I’m complaining. I’m not. Really. In fact, part of what’s puzzling me is that I don’t really WANT to go anywhere. Do anything sans cherubs. I don’t know if it’s inertia, just the mere fact that it takes such effort to line up a sitter (or talk Marc into taking all of them by himself), and convince the kids to be okay with having no Mommy (or be able to just saunter out of the apartment, impervious to the howling and anguish I’m leaving behind). But whatever it is, I find myself more and more reluctant to make plans with other people. I’m still pretty good at dragging them places, to the library, or the Ecotarium, or out food shopping, and I’ll haul them all to my mother’s house for the afternoon, but more often than not, Saturdays and Sundays, you’ll find me sitting at home with the kids playing. Or at least they’re playing, mostly I’m cleaning.

And it’s not just that – I don’t go out without them much either. I don’t get my nails done, or get haircuts, or go see friends, or volunteer, or anything, really. I stay at home. All the time. And I don’t think I’m all that unhappy about it. On more than one occasion, I find myself cancelling plans, just so that I can stay at home. I like my comfy chair, I like whatever book I’m in the middle of, I like spending time with Marc (when he’s available for hanging out with me, which isn’t all that often, honestly). That might be part of it, I feel as though the time we have together is so limited anyway – adding on a busy social life on my part might push it over the edge.

I don’t know… I just know that I’m home A LOT and not all that miserable about it.

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