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Writings on Motherhood, Judaism, and Happily-Ever-Afters

Corona-cation

Day Three of our forced Coronavirus isolation. It’s not going well.

Marc got laid off, or furloughed yesterday. Not entirely sure what the difference is, other than they really like him and want to hire him back, just as soon as they can. It’s really just a nicer way to lay someone off. The end result is the same. He’s not getting paid anymore.

Then my LizzieBeth got lyme disease. She’s basically lame and incapable of walking and it’s freaking me out all the time. You know that old theory that keeps getting trotted out whenever something bad happens? Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In my case, whatever doesn’t kill me just leaves me broken, weak and incapable of seeing one of my babies suffer. Even when that baby is a dog, who can’t tell me what hurts, and doesn’t understand me when I assure her she’ll get better. I’m hoping to God she will. Most dogs do really well on the antibiotics, but it can take a few days. We’re 24 hours in, and she’s a hot mess. Consequently, we’re all a hot mess along with her.

The girls are out of school at least until the beginning of March, but other states have already announced that they’re closing until September. Nobody really knows what’s happening or when it’s going to get better, and we’re all just waiting for people to start getting sick and dying. I don’t know anyone who’s been diagnosed yet, nor anyone who’s actually been able to be tested. But I can’t stop myself from overdosing on the news, hoping for some sort of wisdom that’ll get me through.

There is no wisdom. Nobody knows. I can look at countries like Italy and South Korea and Spain, but all that does is terrify me. There’s the whole apocolypse thing going on, thinking that society is going to fall apart, the government (which I’m none too fond of to begin with….) is going to self-destruct (or because they’re all so old, they’ll catch it and die)…. then there’s the slightly abstract worry – will they have MCAS this year? Will Jessie be able to work her fellowship, or work at Tougas again this summer? Will I be homeschooling forever? And then there’s the more immediate panic-inducing worry – will my mother get sick? Will my in-laws? Are they strong enough to make it through this? Will Marc’s job start back up? We had just barely clawed ourselves out of financial ruin – and it was LOVELY. Suddenly, we’re back to a place where I’m afraid to buy a gallon of milk, and worrying about how to pay the rent.

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