Eighteen

I have no words.

Actually, I do. But I’m struggling. This feels like such a milestone birthday, even if it’s just a milestone for me. Jessie has told me repeatedly that I’m making it a much bigger deal than it needs to be – she’s much more focused on college, scholarships, graduation. Turning from seventeen to eighteen seems… inconsequential. To her.

For me – it feels life changing.

When you have a baby, you know you’ve got 18 years. 18 Christmases, 18 summers, 18 First Day of Schools. You’ve got 18 years that your child belongs to you. After that, it’s not that they’re gone. They’re just not yours anymore. Not entirely. They belong to themselves.

I’m ready for Jessie to take this next step. I’m wistful and emotional, but so ready for her to venture out into the world on her own. I’m just going to miss her so much.