Today’s my last day without the kids.  I dropped Jessica and Sam off this morning, it was the last time I’ll ever drop them off at the same school again.  Even if they both end up going to Goddard, by the time Sam gets into high school, Jessie will be dancing off to college.  Julianna is still sound asleep, she’s on a new schedule where she’s up until eleven and sleeps twelve hours.  Right amount of sleep for a kid her age, but totally the wrong hours.  I’m hoping she’ll straighten out once the other two are home for the summer, for sure and for certain, it’s going to be a whole lot louder around here in the mornings after today.

Looking back, I’m pleased by this year.  Sam has blossomed, in ways that still sort of surprise me.  I’m very gradually starting to think of his separation/social anxiety as a thing of the past.  He gets a little anxious now and again, but it’s so much more typical to what other kids experience and oceans easier to handle.   He can talk to me now and talk himself down before it gets overwhelming.  Yesterday, we went to SkyZone, which is a crazy trampoline place in Westboro.  We were there with the girl scout troop, and siblings were invited.  There are several girls with little brothers, so I thought Sam would have friends, but alas, he was the only boy there.  And he and Julie were clearly younger than most of the kids there, and totally overwhelmed.  A year ago, that would have been a recipe for disaster for my boy.  A million strangers, totally loud and chaotic and completely out of his comfort zone.   Instead, it was easy.  He started to get a little tense, but when I suggested that we go food shopping at the store in the same little strip mall, he was fine.  It was so.much.easier.  No temper tantrum, he wasn’t freaking out – he was uncomfortable, told me, accepted the easy solution and ended up having a lovely afternoon.  First grade has been wonderful for him, and I’m very much looking forward to second grade for him.

My Jessie – I worry about her.  I actually don’t worry about her future, I’m doing retroactive worrying, which is the very definition of stupid.  Now that she’s going to another school, she’s a lot more open about how miserable she was at Flagg.   I wonder how much of it I missed, because she was trying so hard to convince herself that it wasn’t that bad.   And being Jessie – there’s a possibility that she’s looking back on it trying to convince herself that she was really unhappy at the school so that she’ll be that much happier at Goddard.  She’s complicated, my girl.  Which is what I love about her, but it does make it challenging to figure out what’s actually reality and what’s just her perception on reality, and subject to change.  I do think she’ll love her new school, and she’s so much more confident and self-assured about her abilities now that she knows she’s going to GSA.

Julianna Ruth – she’s still little to me.  She’s going thru a rough patch, but I think that has more to do with being four and the youngest.  She was only in preschool for five hours a week, and she’s only going for two half days next year.   I’m not at all looking forward to sending my baby to kindergarten, and am very grateful that I’ll have her home again with me next year  I’d like to sign her up for some activities, she’d like to take karate (which amuses me for some reason), and possibly dance.  Maybe she’s just bored.

I’m really looking forward to summer.  I like having my kids home with me, and I’m hoping to fit in a lot  more fun day trips.  I’d like to hit the ocean a few times, maybe even drag myself camping with them.  I want to take them to Concord and Lexington, and exploring Boston.  Glennys will be here for a lot of the summer, hopefully, and I’m really going to try and concentrate on getting more time with my stepdaughters.  As much as I’d like to see them, my kids want desperately to get more time with them, so that’s definitely on the priority list.

 

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