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Feb 19

February vacation

Can I just state for the record that I love vacation? I love not having to get Jessie dressed and fed and out the door by eight. I love the extra half hour that Marc and I can sit and drink coffee and talk in the mornings. I love the sound of Jess singing in her bedroom, and the sound of Sam and Jess laughing together (not so much loving the “Jessie HIT me!” and “Sammy’s attacking me!” that come wafting out out of the room when they’ve been together too long though). But mostly – this whole week has been utterly delightful. We did next to nothing – our only adventure was on Monday when I took the kids to Mill Stores and bought doll furniture. Every other day, we just stayed home, read a lot, chilled out and just sort of existed in this lovely little space in time – when it’s too cold to go wander at the park, Mommy’s too pregnant to want to do much of anything anyway, and the baby isn’t here yet.

I feel like we’re all in a holding pattern. Just waiting until the baby comes. I’m aware all the time of the fact that we’re on borrowed time, before too long, I’m not going to be able to just sit and sip coffee in the mornings, because I’ll be nursing and patting and calming down a screaming baby. I’m a little scarred, I think, after Sam’s babyhood. He just yelled and cried all the live long day. And I find that I’m gearing up for the first few months of this baby’s life like it’s a marathon, and I’m going to need all my reserves and all my strength just to survive it. Non-stop nursing, pacing, rocking, shushing, soothing – no wonder I’m so afraid my kids will be traumatized without me. I honestly don’t think I’ll have the ability to handle three kids if this one is like my beautiful Samilicious. My memories of Sam’s infancy are a blur of him just sobbing his little heart out all the time. Does colic run in families? Jessie didn’t have it – but Sam did, and please God, let this one be a peaceful, happy baby.

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