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May 14

He will not self destruct without me

This is my new mantra… I have to leave Sam a lot over the next couple of days. Big wedding, and I’m the maid of honor. Special girls only dinner Thursday night, rehearsal Friday night, and then all day Saturday until late that night. And I’m worried and anxious and sick at the thought of my poor baby crying and crying without me. But I left him last Saturday and he did really well… As much as I hated it, I think it was good for both of us. We’re so attached, Sam and I. For the past two years, we’ve been glued at the hip, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve gone out without it. We’re together so much that I no longer feel whole without him there, like I accidentally forgot my arm at home. And he’s getting bigger, he’s almost two now… it’s not the same as when he was a tiny baby. It was right and good that he and I were together constantly then, but now, I think it’s time for him to experiment with a little independence, it’s good for him to realize that he’s a person without me there – and of course, it’s also good for me to do those things as well. And he’s going to be okay – he’s a smart, confident little boy, and hopefully, I’ve instilled a sense of security and well-being that will get him thru the upcoming days.

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