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May 18

Thank goodness the wedding is over

Not that it wasn’t a fabulous wedding, because it was, but because the three nights of leaving Sam had been hanging over my head and I’m so glad that I don’t have to worry about it anymore. And as an added perk, I know that he will survive without me and is fine. No lingering damage, he’s cheerful and friendly this morning. I’m sleepy and feeling overwhelmed with a lot of cleaning that, to be perfectly honest, I’d rather not do. I’d rather just curl up with a good book and a comfy blanket over my icy toes and read for the afternoon.

Marc is off with his friends, doing the D&D; thing, which is lovely, actually. I like just being at home with just my cherubs. I very rarely get to spend time with just my two kids – there’s almost always an extra one or two floating around, so I’m very happy to just have them at the moment.

Had a thing, last night, with a woman who was once my closest friend. We had been best friends thru junior high, high school, and most of my twenties, but grew apart after I met Marc and had the cherubs. I say grew apart, like it was a painless, gradual sort of thing, but in fact, it was really wrenching and difficult. And seeing her last night felt odd, and uncomfortable in a lot of ways. I’m not the same person I was six years ago, and what used to feel right and normal is now … just not something I want to be a part of anymore. I LOVE my life now – my husband is my best friend, he’s the one I trust with all of me, and my children are the most important things in my life. I’m not willing to carve out any extra room in my life for her.

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