It hits me at different times, and for random reasons. Tonight it was her walking into the bedroom while I was putting Julianna to bed. Her hair was pulled back with a headband, and she was carrying her toothpaste and toothbrush (she keeps them in her bedroom because Sam’s blind and was prone to grabbing whatever toothbrush he could find – a problem I’ve since fixed by switching him to charcoal toothbrushes, which also helps because it’s got enough contrast for him to easily see the toothpaste). But she walked in, carrying her toothbrush with her hair pulled back, getting ready for bed, and it hit me all of a sudden that this time next year, she’d still be doing this – and other people would be there to see her. She’d be chit chatting with other people, and I’m going to miss her so much.

I’m trying to convince myself that this is normal. This sobbing randomly, at odd times and with no warning. That’s it’s even healthy. Because I’m dealing with it now – so I’ll be all prepared for her to move out of my house.

One can only hope.

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