First – the disclaimer… I’m unbelievably happy about this pregnancy. In many ways, it’s my most emotionally blessed pregnancy, in that I’m not grieving a loss, or terrified of it’s effect (or affect??) on the family dynamic. I’m just all the way around happy about it, and not for one single solitary moment would I want to be anything other than pregnant with this baby right now.
That being said… I’m so tired of being sick. I’m tired of eating every hour, or hour and a half. I’m tired of throwing up, I’m tired of dry heaving into the toilet. I’m tired of my living room looking like a disaster all the time because I don’t have the spare energy to actually pick anything up. I can handle dishes and laundry – that’s about it. And even then – the dishes aren’t ever put away and if I manage to fold the laundry, there’s not a chance in hell of it getting to the dressers. I plan my whole day around proximity to food – how soon can I get it, what can I possibly eat that won’t make me gag – and the worst part is that I almost never actually want to eat anything. I really don’t. I feel yucky and want to lay down and not eat, but down that path lies more rehydration, and who wins when I’m spending the afternoon in the ER? (Although the thought of a quiet afternoon in bed, even with needles poking into me, doesn’t sound ALL bad to me right now). My house is a disaster, today I’ve eaten half a bagel, three granola bars, half a mini pizza, a bowl of cereal, a pb&j;, and two scrambled eggs. And I figure I’ve got maybe until four thirty before I need to shove something else into my mouth. Not because I’m hungry, because I’m not, at this point, I don’t really like eating anything, but when there’s something in my stomach, I don’t want to hurl. At least not too much.
I feel awful. There. I’ve said it. I love this baby, love the pregnancy, love the whole process – but dammit, I feel absolutely awful all the time and I’m so tired of it.
On the upside – NINE WEEKS TODAY. And maybe this baby will be the one who shuts off the morning sickness right at 13 weeks. Neither of the other two worked that way, but hey, every pregnancy is different, right?