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Nov 06

It never really gets easier

I’m sure that at some point, it’ll stop. Right? They’ll all reach adulthood. Full on, total, adult hood. Although as I’m thinking about it, maybe it won’t. Maybe once you have kids, you spend the rest of your life watching them get older and older and growing more and more into themselves. First it’s holding their head up, then sitting, next thing you know they’re asking if they can hang up on you and just enjoy their ice cream while they walk. Alone. In the dark.

I mean, Jessie’s been at college for a year and a half now. And I’ve adapted rather well, I think. Yes, okay, I did sob thru most of her senior year. And okay, yeah, I did cry so hard on drop off day her first year, I had to have Marc pull over so I could throw up. But after that – I was mostly really okay. She’s where she wants to be, doing what she wants to do. Learning and growing and becoming who she is.

I make her call me when she’s walking alone in the dark. Not me, necessarily – but I told her that I want her to be on the phone with SOMEONE. So she calls me, faithfully, whenever she’s walking home alone in the dark. I mean, it was my only rule. She’s 19, almost 20. It’s not up to me to tell her what to do – she makes her own choices and decisions. I respect her so much, and I trust that she’s more than capable of living her own life. But… she’s not allowed to walk alone in the dark.

Tonight, she asked if she could hang up on me, because she wanted to eat her ice cream cone and enjoy her walk. Alone. In the dark.

And… wow. Yeah, I mean, of course. But, damn.

I feel like I’m constantly on the cusp of a million different milestones. All the time. Jessie’s walking by herself, Sam is going to the Ecotarium 2x weekly, and Julianna is friends with people I’ve never met, parents I’ve never met. They’re all growing so fast, and every time I think I’ve caught up, things keep changing.

I still made her call me when she got back to the dorm though. Because even if she’s all the way ready, I’m not.

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