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Jul 01

It’s July – come on – where’s summer???

We’ve had rain every day in June. This probably isn’t literally accurate – but metaphorically, emotionally, it feels as though it’s been raining and raining and raining. And raining. And I’m cranky and miserable and just so ready for a bit of sunshine, just a little. I’d like to actually use the sunblock I bought. I’d like to go to the park, kick around a soccer ball, wander around the world instead of being trapped in my apartment.

Fought with Marc re: conversion this morning, because he said he’d feel exactly as my mother does. Confused, hurt and like a failure. This makes NO sense to me, and as it’s easier to yell at him than it is to yell at her, I yelled at him. I’d feel confused, hurt and like a failure if my kids ended up in jail. If they were mean, selfish, materialistic and lazy. If they found spiritual comfort and joy in another religion – I’d be all enthusiastic, want to learn as much as I could about it and try to participate as much as I could – because it’s not up to me to decide how they think about the world, how they perceive the Divine, how they process their own spirituality. I will raise my children as Jews, because I’ve done an exhaustive study of the religion and I think this is the best foundation for them. What they do with this information is exclusively their decision. To each her own, that’s my theory. Religion and spirituality is such a personal decision. My goal is to raise kids who question spirituality, who search for their own truth, no matter what that may be. Apparently there are some lingering issues in my mind, some anger and frustration with how difficult this whole process has been, dealing with everyone’s emotions and the weight of expectation and disappointment has been exceptionally more time consuming and emotionally stressful than I’d expected it to be.

And I’m now officially done discussing it. With anyone.

Moving on… crappy, rainy day – and what else to do in that situation but to make cookies? That’s my plan for the afternoon. Sam and Jordyn will be here and we obviously won’t be doing much of anything else ๐Ÿ™‚

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