That’s my theme for the year.
Because I don’t think things happen for a reason, I think crappy things happen sometimes for no reason at all. But I do believe that your perspective on it all matters more than anything else.
Each year, I read my blog from the year before. One thing that really stuck out for me was this theme that I had at the end of 2013 and 2014 – which was that it was a really hard year, and I was ready for the next one. And in that moment, when I was writing those posts, it really did feel that way. It felt hard, and like it was an uphill battle all the time and I was ready for a plateau.
But there is no plateau – not really. And the uphill battle really isn’t all that steep. My challenges are nothing compared to what they could be. The struggles and the angst – they really aren’t about anything life altering or scary. It’s about paying the electric bill, wanting to move to a bigger place where I can get a dog. It’s about challenging schedules, and being harried and stressed and busy, busy, busy all the time. Is that really how I want to think about my life? Is that how I want my kids to remember their childhood? That it was hard, just hard, all the time, and the struggle really never went away.
But is that really a battle? A struggle? Or does it just feel that way, in the moment? And if it’s just a matter of it feeling hard, then can I change that?
My marriage, after almost 13 years, is still vibrant and whole. He’s still my best friend, my partner and the person I want most to be with. That’s huge, and amazing, and if you’d told me, fourteen years ago, that I’d be here, now, I would never have believed you.
My kids are all healthy. They’re all healthy. Sam and Julie have never been on an antibiotic, and Jessie hasn’t been on one in years. They all eat well, run around, are active and happy. Jessie is blossoming into this lovely young woman, Sam is social, smart and loving going to school. And my Julianna is writing her name everywhere, and identifying letters and is so ready for kindergarten.
My life is going to change a lot this year. After more than a decade as a full time stay at home mom, my youngest will be in school full time. I don’t know what that’ll mean for me, whether it means we should think seriously about another baby, or if I want to look for a part-time position somewhere, or if I should finally crack down and actually finish the book I’ve been trying to write for the past few years. Marc is starting a new career, with new responsibilities, new hours and new goals.
My goal for this year is to remember that one phrase – perspective matters. Because I have so very much to be grateful about, and so very little that’s an actual struggle or problem. I don’t want to look back on 2015 and wish that it was better – I want to look back and know that it was one of the best years I’ve ever had.