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Sep 10

Repost from 2008

I was looking back to see if I’d written anything helpful about Jessie’s first year of kindergarten – because I remember it as being fairly traumatic.  Sam is going every day, but sobbing on the way out the door.  Which sucks.  A lot.  But I remember Jessie doing it too, and have to keep reminding myself that it’s just a stage, and he’s great all day, happy and playing, and that’s better for him that sitting at home, staring at the walls or the television set all day.  (Not that he stares at the wall or television all day, but I still think he gains a lot from going and spending time with other kids/adults).  Anyway – I found this old post and liked it – so I thought I’d repost it.  (With a couple of updates, in blue)

1. I’m thirty five years old, and not entirely sure how I feel about that. I think I’m pretty happy about it, I really like where I am in my life. (I’m thirty eight now – and still kind of like it.  Marginally weirded out that I’ll be forty soon, but not too much)

2. I’m very happily married to a man I think is uniquely suited to me. And I think I’m uniquely suited to him. The qualities I wanted most in my dream husband are the ones he possesses in abundance. (Yes – a thousand times yes.  Even when it’s hard)

3. I’ve been pregnant three times, one miscarriage of twins, one daughter, one son. (Four times now, one miscarriage, two daughters, and a boy child)

4. My daughter is six years old, and there is nobody I feel closer to on a lot of levels. We don’t always mesh perfectly, but I always understand exactly what she’s feeling, and have since she was born. Getting her to do what I want is another story… (I don’t always like it, but yes, I still get her all the time)

5. I really thought my son was a girl before he was born. We specifically didn’t find out, but I KNEW he was a girl. And spent the first day or so after he was born a bit confused as to what to do with a son. (Now, I can’t imagine him as a girl, or what I’d do without my Samilicious)

6. My husband feels the same way about my son as I do about my daughter. Which I think is nice.

7. I feel incredibly guilty if I leave my kids. I do it – but dropping them off with someone is NEVER easy, and I always want to back out of whatever plans I’ve made that don’t include them.

8. My son will be three in July, and I have a feeling that he’ll still be nursing. (He was – and there’s a not zero chance that when Julie turns three in April, she’ll still be nursing too.)

9. I’m kind of a breastfeeding snob. I (silently) judge people who don’t nurse their kids. I’m not happy about this, I’d like to be all ‘live and let live’ about it, but the longer I’ve nursed my son, the more judgemental I get about it. I really think it’s the only way to feed an infant, and you should nurse until the child is ready to quit.

10. I really want my son to wean on his own. And am doing everything I can to encourage it.

11. I’m extremely close to my mother. We talk three or four times a day, and I hope to have the same relationship with both my children.

12. I’m a stepmom to my husband’s two daughters from his first marriage. It’s not a role that’s always easy, and I’m always trying to get better at it.

13. I’m really afraid of things that fly. Birds, bugs, butterflies – they all freak me out. I’m afraid the birds will bite me (do you know how much pressure the average parrot can exert with his beak? Scary) and I had a hornet once fly into my hair and get stuck.

14. My sister is six years younger than I am – and while I don’t always understand the bond between us, we’re so different, it’s one of the strongest ones I have.

15. I have two brothers, and don’t really talk to either of them. One on purpose, and one just because neither one of us puts the effort into it. I’m okay with both situations.

16. I have a stepfather and two stepsisters. I am a stepmother and a stepdaughter. Odd.

17. One of my secret fears is having my sister and cousin put me on that “What Not to Wear” show. (still kind of surprised, happily, that it hasn’t happened)

18. I secretly believe that I could, in fact, walk on water, if I could just manage to suspend the belief that I couldn’t. If that makes any sense. (have experienced spiritual turn around – my philosophy is now better summed up as “crappy stuff happens, what are you going to do about it?”  Which is to say, sometimes awful things happen.  You can’t change it, it doesn’t happen because you weren’t strong enough to change it, but you can change the way you deal with it.  Perspective is all.  Or at least most.)

19. I think I might be turning into a Republican. I’m not sure, but am no longer a hard core Democrat. (If I had to pick a label, I’d say Libertarian, very socially liberal but conservative economically)

20. I love putting my kids to bed. Feel a little guilty because I don’t do it the way I’m supposed to – but we all snuggle up in the recliner and I cuddle them until they doze off. (Now that they’re in school, there’s more pressure on getting them to sleep, so I don’t love it as much)

21. I hate cooking. And dishes. And am perplexed because so much of my life is cooking and dishes and I’m perfectly okay with that.

22. I really like staying home and not working. As much as I’m still proud to call myself a feminist, I live this very traditional, Mommy at home in the kitchen, husband off to work, paying all the bills sort of life.

23. I worry sometimes that my kids are getting the message that there is women work and men work and they aren’t the same thing, simply because I always do the dishes and Marc always kills the bugs. But I don’t want to kill the bugs or nag Marc to do the dishes.

24. I’m not very friendly. I’m not unfriendly, but I’m really kind of shy and don’t like to ask a lot of questions or assume that people want to tell me stuff. I’d much rather other people make the effort to be friends. I like to listen and talk and hang out, but am not good at starting off friendships.

25. Then again, I let a really good, long friendship die – so maybe I’m not all that good at being a friend either.

26. I’m a really good wife and mom.

27. I realized soon after getting pregnant that I couldn’t keep putting everyone else ahead of my own family. That’s now my criteria – is this what’s best for my kids? It’s not always the deciding factor, but it’s always a major priority.

28. I don’t like shoes. Don’t like wearing them, don’t like buying them. Am frustrated that you have to wear them all the time in public.

29. I don’t like coats either, now that I think of it.

30. I’d almost always rather stay home with a good book.

31. The quickest way for me to relax is to open a book. I read them incessently. I’ve usually got two or three that I’m reading at any one point.

32. I really want another baby. I’m not desperate yet, but can feel the yearning. (I don’t think I do.  I don’t think I don’t yet, either.  But I’m not positive either way)

33. I love being pregnant. I feel like crap thru it (or did every time before) but it’s still one of my favorite times in my life. (Julianna’s pregnancy was straight up horrible)

34. I’m very low maintenance on a daily basis. Husband’s t-shirts, cut offs and a ponytail is my uniform.

35. I think it’s magic the way I wake up before one of my kid’s does. It’s like I hear them thinking about waking up and pop awake.

36. I sing all the time, despite having a terrible voice. Mostly I make up lyrics to the tune of My Little Sunshine. I don’t know why, but that’s a really adaptable melody.

37. I’m converting to Judaism, and wish it was over and done with already. I feel like I’ve been doing it FOREVER. 

38. I hate it when my mother complains about my living in the “city.”

39. I get all freaked out when my house is a mess. If my house is a mess, and there are people in it not helping me clean, it gets worse. My standards are low (dishes done, laundry done, floor vacuumed) but they are standards.

40. I have a really hard time not jumping in with Jess when she’s upset about something. Even though I know that when I get upset, it just makes it worse. (I still have a hard time not matching her emotional intensity when she gets upset)

41. I think Sam’s adorable when he’s most angry. He literally jumps up and down over and over again – it’s great.

42. I let my son play with toy guns. Marc feels really strongly about it and I feel really strongly about letting Marc make that decision. Even though it makes me crazy.

43. I still think homeschooling Jess would have been the right decision. And think less of myself for caving to peer pressure.  (I’m relatively positive that homeschooling would not be best for Sam, and Jessie is thriving.  Not 100% certain, and still hold the option out there, but for right now, public school is working)

44. Left to my own devices, I’d eat out all the time.

45. I love my family. A lot. My mother, sister, cousins, aunts… but like the distance too.

46. I get migraines. And always want to just endure the pain rather than take meds for it, even though it makes no logical sense.

47. I give my kids motrin with no hesitation, despite the fact that I have to force myself to take it myself.

48. One of my favorite things in the world is a hot shower all by myself.

49. I really, legitimately think my kids are the most amazing creatures. I’m amazed every day by them.

50. I’m always aware of how incredibly lucky I am. (Always.  Still)

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