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Apr 20

Sibling relationships

(for the record – no baby, the contractions are calm for the moment, and I’m officially doing my best to stay pregnant for the week, as childcare issues would be huge if I go into labor before Saturday afternoon)

I’m really pleased with how close my kids are. At least at the moment. Not that they can’t have knock down screaming fights with each other and sometimes I really worry that they hate each other. But mostly – they are pretty close. I wonder a lot about how to foster that relationship – to encourage them to always lean on each other. I don’t have a great relationship with my siblings – my sister and I are really close, but that’s about it. And I want very much for my children to have a better relationship with each other than I do with my siblings. My husband isn’t close with his sister either. No negativity there, just very different lives, geographically more than anything else.

I think part of it must be competition. Keeping it so that they don’t feel as though they have to fight the other for time or attention – and that’s always a struggle when you’ve got more than one child. I worry that I’m favoring one over the other – the two of them are so very different, with such different needs and wants that it’s hard to know if I’m being fair all the time. And can you really be fair all the time? There’s almost exactly three and a half years separating them, and there will be three years and nine months separating Sam and the baby – that’s a recipe for different expectations. I try to make sure to spend a lot of one on one time with them as well, taking Jess out of the house to get some time with just her, or really focusing on Sam when we’re home together. I think that makes a difference as well.

I just hope and want for my children to be close as adults. To lean on each other, to support and love each other. Not just that they won’t be mortal enemies as adults, but that they’ll be friends, with each other’s best interests at heart. To enjoy spending time together, to really embrace their unique relationship. But how much of it is really under my control? At some point, it’s their life – you know?

I think they will be close as adults – they seem to enjoy each other. They’re so similiar in some ways, and so very different in others. But they lean on each other, holding hands in the morning, and sitting together. I just want so much for them to always be close. Even if their relationship stays like it is right now – with big dramatic blow outs every now and again, but a core closeness and intimacy that says that this person is important to me and I love having him/her in my life. If they can maintain this level of closeness, then I’ll be happy.

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