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Oct 07

So many unwritten posts

I hate that working gets in the way of writing.

I love my job, I do.  I love the flexibility (when Sam wakes up puking, I can work from home).  I love the location (because being surrounded by books lowers my stress level – I smile just walking in the door).  I love the hours (being able to drop off and pick up at school, having the afternoons home with my kids is a gift I never take for granted), and the job itself is awesome.  But I miss writing.  I miss sitting down and just pouring everything out.  I have to make more time for this.

But in light of the fact that I can’t go back and write the blog posts that I’ve missed, all I can do is vow to do better going forward.   That being said, here’s a brief paragraph on the blog posts that I should have written, if I could have found the time…

– I still think about having another baby.  A lot.  I’m probably not going to do it – for a whole bunch of reasons.  I’m 41, and Julie’s pregnancy was horrible.   My blood pressure was getting really high towards the end, and I itched – oh, how I itched.  I threw up, I was contracting for over a month – it was a mess physically.   I can’t do it again.  But I still think about it, and miss the weight of a newborn in my arms.  I dream about being pregnant, and I envy new moms.

– At the same time, I’m so wicked way busy and bordering on overwhelmed all the livelong day.  Working with three kids, and a husband who works four twelve-thirteen hours a day every week presents it’s own challenges, and I’m usually trying to keep my head above water.  And failing.  Not all the time, but there’s stuff that doesn’t get done, and things that get forgotten or just dismissed because there are only so many balls you can juggle at a time.

– Marc’s schedule, while challenging, is still so much better than it was in the past.   We’ve got a three day weekend coming up, four because the kids have Friday off from school – and Marc will be home with them on Friday and then we’ve got all weekend together.   He’s not home during the week anymore, not really.  Most days, he leaves the house soon after I do, and comes home just before (or after bedtime).  But he’s here every Friday for school pick up, makes Shabbat dinner for everyone and is there (with the occasional meeting scattered in there occasionally) all weekend long with us.

– Julie has a speech issue.  Her teacher approached me yesterday and said that she wanted to refer her for speech therapy because she’s “fronting.”   Thank goodness for google, because I had no idea what that meant – but apparently, fronting is when a back sound is produced in the front of the mouth.  So the sounds for K, and G, when Julie says them, comes out as T or D.   I knew it was an issue, and we had talked to the pediatrician about it – but she thought said it was in the range of normal and not to worry.  So I didn’t (plus, it’s so damn cute when she explains that she needs Titty (i.e. “kitty”) to sleep with at night).  But apparently it isn’t normal, and so Girlfriend will get speech therapy in school.

– Sam has struggled more with anxiety this year than the past couple, but has now moved past the anxiety into being a bit of a pain.  He’s getting into trouble (not hard core, just enough to have to write apology letters) for talking in line, he called one of his friends an alien, and is being increasingly chatty in class.  While I’m not delighted that he’s becoming a discipline issue – it’s a hell of a lot better than seeing him terrified and panicking – so I’m not complaining.

– Jessie is moving ahead with bat mitzvah.  It’s been a long, uphill struggle to get her engaged in this process.  She’s so used to doing well that having to really work at something, and not immediately seeing results, has been disheartening.  She’s like me – if she doesn’t do it well, she’d rather not do it.   But she does want to have the bat mitzvah – not just the party, she wants the ceremony as well.   So she’s working harder now, and seems to be doing better.  She’s at least starting to see the translation between working hard, and doing well in the lessons – so getting her to practice isn’t as difficult as it has been.


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