I feel as though a fog is officially lifting – I think that I’m entering the second trimester – time of glory and sunshine. I felt REALLY good yesterday – still sick when I didn’t eat, but actual whole hours when I felt like myself, I got a TON of stuff done around the house, and am really hoping that this trend continues. It’s been a rough 12 weeks. Really rough, way tougher than my other pregnancies. I’m not sure if it was worse because I’m older now, if it’s that I’m home and able to really just feel like crap as opposed to being distracted, or if it’s that I’m running around after a million other children – probably a combo of all of it. But I feel AMAZING this morning – and I know it’s just because I have a feeling that I’m going to feel okay physically all day long. I want to take the boys for a walk, it’s gorgeous out today, I want to organize all the jackets, finish all the laundry, make a delightful dinner for everyone.
I worry – the ONLY perk to feeling awful was that I knew that the pregnancy was okay. But I’ve seen the heartbeat on ultrasound, heard it in the office, I’m thirteen weeks tomorrow, and I know that my chances of miscarriage are so low. Plus I do still feel pregnant. I have to eat every couple of hours or get really sick to my stomach again – but it’s a HUGE and DRAMATIC improvement over the past three months.
I would not do well with a chronic illness. I know I’ve been grumpy and hostile at times (most of the time, if you listen to extended family members), and I’m not going to apologize for that (because most of the time, there was an amazing effort on my part to be as nice as I was). But I have to give major kudos to my wonderful husband Marc – who, never, not once, hinted that I was perhaps a bit grumpier than I should have been. Never was anything other than kind and loving and sweet and nurturing. Rubbed my back when I vomited, told me how pretty I was. He was, hands down, AWESOME – and out of everyone in my life, the best source of support and comfort during the last three months – thank you, honey – I don’t think I could have made it without you.