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Aug 25

We’re weaning on my terms

Not on Sam’s, obviously, as he’d never voluntarily stop. But I can’t do a cold turkey kind of thing either. I tried last night to do night weaning – where I’ll cuddle him and rub his back if he wakes up, but no nursing. I spent the past couple of months really encouraging his attachment to Quackie and Georgie (his two stuffed animals), and last night, Sam and I talked about it a lot, how he’s have to go all night without nursing, that the “oobies” (don’t ask, Jessie named them that when she was a baby) needed to sleep because Mommy’s body was busy making a baby and needed to rest. He was very concerned that they’d be sad without him (I love how his mind works), but all in all – the night went great. He nursed to sleep around quarter of nine, and then woke up a couple of times, but managed to go back to sleep on his own.

Jess crawled into bed with me around three-ish. I had suggested that Marc sleep in Jessie’s room so that he wouldn’t be disturbed by us (anticipating a long night with a lot of crying). I couldn’t get comfortable after Jess came in – I’m queasy all morning long now – and apparently, it starts right around three thirty or so. I’m just usually asleep for that part :-). I got up, went to the bathroom and moved over to the other bed. I laid there for a long time, watching the numbers click past on the clock, thinking about financial worries (really, doesn’t everyone freak out over money when they’re up in the middle of the night or is it just me?) and trying to pick out baby names.

Sam woke up, really woke up, around four thirty or so. And he wanted to nurse. So badly, and I tried to say no, but in the end, I just couldn’t sit there and let him cry – he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t let him, and at that moment, neither could I. Because he had done so well – and all night long, had woken up every couple of hours, but put himself back to sleep – I just gave up. We got up and went into the living room. I tucked him up next to me, shielded his eyes, and watched West Wing repeats. He never did fall back asleep, and eventually asked for breakfast and is now happily hanging out, watching cartoons and having cold pizza and milk.

I’m still working on it – because I really do want to push him towards independence and not nursing. I say no far more often than I say yes, and I’ve got him down to just once or twice during the day, and we’ll keep working on the night weaning. But I can’t rush this too much – it’s too hard on him, and too hard on me. I can’t just let him cry – I mean, I can when he wants to play with scissors, and have chocolate for breakfast. I let him cry all the time, he’s not an overly indulged child. But nursing has been such a huge part of our relationship, and eliminating it takes time, love and patience.

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