Day Two of the new schedule… I got Jess to bed last night before seven o’clock and Sam and I sat up and watched a movie together. The poor boy is teething hard, two of his canine teeth are in the process of cutting thru and he’s just miserable with it. I finally got him to drift off to sleep around 9:30 and he started coughing. He kept going, coughing every few minutes until I started to recognize the signs. I picked him up and moved him off the bed just before he threw up all over everything. Well, all over me and the fan next to the bed and the floor, but NOT all over the bed, thank God. Nothing worse than baby vomit all over the bed, especially when Daddy’s not there to do clean up. Both my kids are pukers, for better or worse, and Marc and I have the routine down pat. I do my best to keep the puke confined to me and off the blankets, and once we strip the kid, I take over comforting and soothing back to sleep and Marc does the clean up.

It’s lonely, with no Marc here at night. I get the kids fed, teeth brushed, story read and down to sleep so much earlier, which is great for them, but that does mean that I’m all alone once they’re out. When Marc does finally get home, I pounce on him, so grateful for adult companionship.

Mom just left, she came out and visited for a couple of hours. Sammy just glared at her, mostly. He’s so suspicious of her, for some reason. I keep hoping that he’ll warm up and be himself around people, friendly, funny, laughing – but for the most part, he seems to keep that side of himself hidden around everyone other than us. He stays quiet and watchful… Jessie was pretty chipper though, sat on Mom’s lap and told her stuff. I love watching my mother and my daughter interact- it’s just such a cool feeling. I think they look so much alike, and the nice thing is that I think that they are both so beautiful, so it boosts up my self-esteem, because I know that I look like them as well.

And believe me, that self esteem could use a boost after bathing suit shopping on Saturday. I got back in the car and cried afterwards – I think I’m pretty normal, pretty content with my body and my appearance, but ten minutes in the Target dressing room and I’m ready to kill myself…

I’m at work today, I work on Saturdays at a doctor’s office, answering the phones for urgent care. I have been working here for the past six months, but have reluctantly (on some levels, anyway) given my notice. It’s just too hard on everyone else for me to be gone all day on Saturdays. Marc’s home with all four of the kids, sometimes five, if we have Glennys. And Sammy is still so little. Even though he’s a year and a half tomorrow, I still feel like he’s such a baby – and he’s so reliant on me. When it’s time for a nap, he nurses to sleep. Without me there, when it’s time for a nap, he just starts screaming and goes until he passes out from exhaustion. Which sucks for everyone, Sam included. So I understand why I needed to quit, and am even looking forward to being at home full time again. But there’s a part of me that’s bumming – I loved working. Saturdays were my days off. I loved being a grown up, leaving my hair down instead of pulled into a sloppy bun, wearing mascara and lip gloss, talking to other adults, not having to break up fights or get drinks or do the dishes, etc.

But, onward and upward, I guess. Marc got a second job instead -he’ll be working four nights a week at the YMCA, but on the upside, he was never home during the week anyway and we get a free membership, which is great. And we’ll have the weekends together to hang out as a family. It does mean that I’m home by myself with the kids for the majority of the week, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights.

I’m so excited – got me my very own blog. I’ve been doing daily e-mails for everyone, but now I can just refer people to the blog :-). Spent all day making shabbat dinner, and am now no longer in the mood to celebrate. I did manage to talk Jess into cleaning up her bedroom by convincing her that it had to be pretty for shabbat, and I have lulled Sam into quiet by putting on Little Einsteins. He’s into the music. He’s also discovered how much fun it is to play with the controls for the stove, hence, the quarantine in the living room.